Caution: Zombies Ahead

This entry was posted by Rob on Wednesday, 4 February, 2009 at

Electronic road signs are getting hacked in some states and are warning of zombies and raptors down the road. I hate it when the zombies mess up my commute!

Traffic safety officials aren’t amused.

One of the latest breach came during Tuesday morning’s rush hour near Collinsville, Ill., east of St. Louis. The southbound Interstate 255 displayed, “DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES.”

Similar pranks have been reported recently near Indianapolis and in Austin, Texas.

The Illinois Department of Transportation are concerned that such pranks distract drivers from legitimate hazards down the road, perhaps endangering road crews. Because zombies and raptors aren’t enough of a nuisance, now we have distracted drivers to worry about…

Tampering with official traffic control devices is a misdemeanor punishable by up to a $250 fine in Illinois.

Being eaten by a zombie or raptor in rush hour traffic… Priceless.

I found some Zombie Self-Defense Tips (if you choose to ignore the roadside warnings) from How Zombies Work (HowStuffWorks).

Zombie Self-Defense

Whether featuring traditional, shambling zombies or a newer, smarter breed, most movies and games agree on how to survive a zombie attack:

1. Don’t panic.
2. Get away from the zombies. Most of the time, you can move faster than they can.
3. Gather food, water, an emergency radio, flashlights and weapons, and retreat to a secure location.
4. If possible, retreat to a shopping mall, general retail store or other location where you’ll have easy access to food and supplies.
5. Stay away from densely populated areas, where the infestation is likely to be heaviest.
6. Barricade all entrances and stay put at all costs.
7. Don’t get surrounded or backed into a corner or other enclosed space.
8. Remember that anyone bitten or killed by a zombie will become a threat to you and your party.
9. Wait patiently for rescue and make long-term preparations for your survival.

Also, avoid common mistakes like:

* Sheltering in a vehicle to which you do not have the keys
* Leaving blades, cudgels or other basic weapons out for zombies to find
* Teaching zombies how to use firearms
* Giving your only weapon to anyone who is hysterical
* Retreating to a basement or cellar without taking supplies with you
* Getting into an elevator in a building infested with zombies
* Letting personal feelings and arguments get in the way of survival

DISCLAIMER: Yes, this post is meant to be humorous. Zombie Self Defense tips are not 100% guaranteed to work against real zombies, but may prove helpful. All bets are off if you run into a pack of wild Raptors.

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One Response to “Caution: Zombies Ahead”

  1. Oh man, I would LOVE to see one of those signs, locally. Sitting in traffic would be so much more enjoyable after that good laugh.

    Thank you for the comprehensive way you cover your topic (zombie defense included) without fear-mongering. It is appreciated.

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