A man in sunny western Florida is being charged with felony assault this joyous holiday season. The report didn’t say why, but apparently this guy, upset with his father, threw a Christmas tree at him.
Before I got to the details, I kinda raised my eye at the headline “Man Accused of Tossing Christmas Tree at his Dad”. First I pictured a full-size, fresh-cut real evergreen being hurled across the room. Ok, Not likely.
Next I pictured, again a full-sized tree, but this time an artificial one. But, I just assembled our pre-lit, 3-piece artificial Christmas tree this past weekend. That thing has some poundage to it, so again, not likely.
So further reading down the page, it ended up being a tiny 3-footer used as a weapon to attack his dad. Being Florida, it was probably one of those lame white-needle foo foo trees with pink garland.
So the 37-year-old winner who still lived at home with mommy and daddy, at least before Yule-Rage set in, tosses the tree at his father. The tree missed, but then the guy tried to use the metal base to take a whack at dad.
His mom and dad were able to subdue the son by holding down his arms to prevent any real injuries. The cops said the tree could have caused some serious damage since the steel base weighs a good five pounds.
I’m thinking junior will be looking for a new residence and singing “I’m gettin’ nuthin’ fer Christmas” this year.
Normally this is where I’d plug some self-defense tools with a spin towards the story, but I am actually at a loss of Christmas tree self defense suggestions besides “DUCK!”
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