A man in Sacramento successfully used candy cane to subdue attacker wielding a kitchen knife. I can’t make this stuff up if I tried.

Apparently the intoxicated 49-year-old suspect went over to a neighbor’s house on Thanksgiving and began waving a kitchen knife at a group of people gathered out on the lawn. He ended up cutting several peoples’ clothing before one of them decided to fight back.

Luckily, the home was already decorated for Christmas. Yes, on Thanksgiving.

One of the manly men in the group grabbed a two-foot-tall plastic candy cane lawn ornament and fended off the knife-wielding drunk until the police arrived on the scene. I’m not sure what technique was used, whether it was held by the curved end and used as a fencing sword to parry the knife, or if the base was held to use as a make-shift club.

I guess the candy cane is more functional in a self defense capacity then a pink flamingo lawn ornament would have been. Then the guy would have just been laughed at, swinging a plastic bird around…

Regardless, in this holiday version of rock-paper-scissors:
Kitchen knife cuts turkey…
Turkey covers candy cane…
and Candy cane subdues kitchen knife. (No lizard or Spock needed, and like I said before, the flamingo just doesn’t work)

Police arrested the man with the knife was on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and determined the candy cane crusader acted in self-defense as was not charged with anything.

Sadly it was necessary to make that special determination.

If you missed the Lizard Spock reference, it’s from nerdy The Big Bang Theory TV show. They came up with a new Rock Paper Scissor version that was pretty funny if you follow that humor.

“It’s very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors.”

You will need to YouTube the clip for the full effect.

Back to the knife incident, you won’t always get lucky enough to have early (way early, and just because the stores put out Christmas stuff the day after Halloween, it doesn’t make it right) Christmas decorations handy to fend off a knife-wielding lunatic. Or drunken, turkey gorged losers with kitchen knives.

Be alert, have a real plan, and be prepared to defend yourself or your loved ones when necessary. Even Spock can get owned by a well prepared posionous lizard.

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