Archive for category Get a Real Weapon

Assault and Battery, Weapon Type: Other (4-foot python)

Posted by Rob on Wednesday, 14 April, 2010

29-year-old Tony Smith was arrested last night for assault and battery at a hotel in Rock Hill, SC. Apparently the victim of the assault, 47-year-old Jeffery Culp had asked the suspect to turn down the loud music in his room previously that night. Words were exchanged and eventually turned into Culp getting smacked across the face with the head of Smith’s 4-foot python. (Snake whipped?)

When the cops showed up, Smith was found on the balcony still holding the weapon in question, his pet snake in his arms. I’m sure the snake wasn’t too happy being used as a blunt striking weapon. Can you give snakes aspirin for headaches?

Smith handed off the snake to a family member and was arrested. The police report classified the weapon type as Other. I suppose they don’t get snake assaults often enough to warrant that specific of a weapon type as a common listing…

It was not reported if the victim was actually injured during the attack or otherwise traumatized by the incident. It was also not reported what kind of music was blasting in the room in question? Perhaps some old school Whitesnake?

Other Python Related Blog Posts
Bah, It’s only a 16 foot Python. No Worries Mate.
Beware: Attack Python on Duty
Farm Worker Defends Himself by Fighting Python in a Tree

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Woman Accused of Breast Milk Assault

Posted by Rob on Sunday, 7 March, 2010

I really debated on how to post this story, so I am going to be really selective about the comments. I really couldn’t not post about it… well, I could have, but it is kinda funny.

Apparently a 31-year-old woman in Owensboro, Kentucky got arrested for a misdemeanor charge of public intoxication. A drunk woman in Kentucky probably isn’t too uncommon, but while Toni Tramel was changing into her inmate apparel from her street clothes, she removed her bra and revealed two concealed loaded weapons. Now armed, she then squeezed her breast and sprayed breast milk into the face of the female deputy who was keeping abreast of the situation.

The stream of milk shot the female jailer in the neck and face. Officer down.

A release from the Detention Center states the officer was able to “decontaminate herself” and “clean the bio-hazard off her.”

The woman who couldn’t leave well enough alone on her misdemeanor, is now facing third degree assault on a police officer, a felony charge.

It’s udderly impossible for me to form a good opinion of the story without all of the facts at hand, but I’m not sure the jail will be able to release a picture of the weapon in question…

I even found a similar story from London, England back in March 2007. 18-year old Felicha Marin was caught trying to steal a pair of shoes from a store. When apprehended, Marin resisted arrest by opening her blouse and popping out her right breast. She then aimed at the cop and shot breast milk at the police officer. She was charged with shoplifting and assault on a police officer for the breast milk incident. I’m not sure if she was originally trying to steal pumps…

Be Safe, Be Prepared, Got Milk?

Other Posts:
Frozen Chicken, Spicy Sausage and a Can of Soda
Chuck E. Cheese Assaulted in Gaming Area
Mom Sentenced to Three Months in Jail for Beating Sex Offender with Baseball Bat

Popularity: 5% [?]

German Thief Pulls Hot Cup of Coffee on Cashier

Posted by Rob on Tuesday, 9 February, 2010

This is one of the more unusual hold-ups, but I guess it is feasible seeing that it worked… a thief actually robbed an amusement arcade, wielding a cup of hot coffee in the German town of Hamelin. Nope, I can’t make this stuff up if I tried.

Stick 'em up!

“He wasn’t going to pour coffee over her, he was going to hit her with the cup,” said a police spokesman.

Really? You think the 26-year-old female attendant who was alone in the arcade was scared of the paper cup? Not about getting burned by the steaming hot coffee? Hrmm?

Apparently the guy ordered the coffee, and once the cup of joe was in his possession, threatened her with the beverage and forced her to open the register. He fled with the coffee and an undisclosed amount of cash in hand.

I don’t believe I recall a similar incident of coffee being used as a weapon, just the infamous McDonald’s coffee spill. Remember when the woman dumped a cup of coffee in her lap and sued for a million dollars because her cup of hot coffee was too hot? Perhaps Goldilocks should have stuck with the iced coffee, but that might have been too cold.

Too bad the cashier at the arcade didn’t have a TASER device on her. The thief probably would have spilled the coffee on himself while getting zapped… but wait, then he could sue the arcade… sigh.

Be Safe, Be Prepared, Be careful of hot coffee.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Boys Will Be Boys, Even if they are 21-year-olds

Posted by Rob on Tuesday, 9 February, 2010

Apparently snow ploys can handle a couple feet of snow in the middle of a blizzard, but start throwing snowballs at it, and game over.

Two Virginia College students are facing 1 to 5 years in prison if convicted of pelting a city snow plow and an unmarkerd police car with snowballs. This felony snowball assault occured this past Saturday during the unusual blizzard conditions recently plaguing the Mid-Atlantic.

Snowmageddon, I believe Obama called it. So much for global warming when Virginia has been pounded harder than New Hampshire this winter season…

Police report that the two students, Charles Gill and Ryan Knight first began to playful launch snowballs at the oncoming city snow plow. The plow driver then called the police, who soon arrived on the scene of the snowy onslaught in an unmarked police car. The snowballs continued to fly hitting the police car too, until the assailants were apprehended and charged with felony counts of throwing objects at occupied vehicles.

It looks like more snowballs may fly later this week, as another freak snow storm is about to dump anther foot or two on the area. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…

Be Safe, Be Prepared, Watch out for snowballs.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Student expelled for eyebrow shaver in purse

Posted by Rob on Friday, 22 May, 2009

15-year-old Taylor Ray Jetter is a Girl Scout, as well as a member of the Linton Middle School basketball team, choir and leadership team in Penn Hills, Pennsylvania.

Unfortunately, a disciplinary hearing this past Wednesday has school officials recommending she is expelled for the rest of this school year and another 45 days next year for carrying a weapon to school.

So what dangerous weapon was found during a random search of her purse and got her suspended?

A gun? No. A knife? Nope. Um, an eyebrow shaver? Ding, ding!

Are you serious? I’m thinking someone should recommend some school officials be removed from office.

Just where and when have we lost all shreads of common sense here?

Of course the teen didn’t consider the eyebrow trimmer a weapon and now fears this action may hurt her chances of becoming a nurse-anesthetist. I’m sure most rational thinking people would not consider it a weapon, unless you are some sort of idiot.

Linton Middle School released an official statement saying they have a “standard disciplinary policy that addresses all students equally.”

So good grooming practices are frowned upon here or are a bunch of bushy eyebrows feeling threatened and complaining to the principal?

Are these school officials high-fiving themselves for preventing some sort of murderous Columbine-like rampage by a girl scout with a cosmetic accessory?

I am sure there are several different kinds of eyebrow shavers and trimmers out there but I found a picture of what some of them look like.

WARNING: Please don’t be afraid! This is only a picture and the image can NOT hurt you in anyway!

Be Safe, Be Prepared. Shave your eyebrows in the safety of your home.

Popularity: 10% [?]

Gun? What gun?

Posted by Rob on Monday, 18 May, 2009

A 17-year-old in North Carolina attempted to holdup an internet café after requesting a Mountain Dew by pointing a concealed banana under his shirt at the owner.

“Is that a banana in your shirt or are you just happy to see me?”

The café owner and another customer grabbed the teen and the weapon was revealed to be a fruit, not a firearm. The police were called just after 1 AM and as the owner and customer held the teen in a chair, the would-be robber ate the banana.

I suppose using a banana is more realistic because trying to just point your finger under your shirt to resemble a gun isn’t quite as believable.

“If he had had a gun he would’ve shot me,” owner, Bobby Ray Mabe said. “But he had a banana.”

“And the deputy said, ‘Aha! He ate the evidence,’” Mabe said. “But we had the banana peel, and they took a picture of it.”

Now if he was able to stomach eating the peel too…

The teen was later charged with one count of attempted armed robbery and the Deputies joked about charging him with the destruction of evidence.

Apparently he was also charged with a robbery of a nearby Kangaroo Express that occurred just before the internet café incident.

Perhaps he stole the banana at the Kangaroo Express?

Be Safe, Be Prepared. Eat your bananas, they have lots of potassium.

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Frozen Chicken Gets the Best of this Burglar

Posted by Rob on Wednesday, 4 February, 2009

Back in October we had a silly story “Frozen Chicken, Spicy Sausage and a Can of Soda” where a guy smacked a woman in the head with a bag of frozen chicken.

Now we have a guy in Australia with another use for frozen chicken, and no we still aren’t cooking it.

First he broke into a butcher’s shop to steal a frozen chicken, then he attempted to use the frozen bird and some rocks to break into a cafe.

He got busted after he sliced his wrist open on the broken glass and was forced to call for an ambulance, Australian police said Wednesday.

There must have been a lot of blood because “He thought he was dying,” says a police spokesman.

The 20-year-old guy called the emergency 000 number (Australian for 911) to call an ambulance and was arrested shortly after being treated by responding paramedics.

Fowl play is suspected, and the man was charged with breaking-and-entering.

Perhaps next time the guy might break into a hardware store and steal a crowbar first?

mace pepper gun

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Food Fight! Round 3

Posted by Rob on Friday, 5 December, 2008

Doesn’t anyone eat food anymore?

Couple of weeks back a couple was in the news over a dispute in their car that ended up with the girl being hit in the face with a sandwich. It didn’t say what kind of sandwich, but we were speculating it might have been a “club”?

Then, right after Thanksgiving another fiesty couple down south made headlines for another domestic assault dispute, when unhappy with what was for dinner, a guy smashed a hot sweet potato pie in his female companion’s face. This incident was a tad more serious because the pie was hot, and the woman was treated for burns on her face and neck. Apparently the guy had enough with the turkey leftovers…

Now, we just had a cheeseburger assault reported in the news.

A guy in Florida got into an arguement with his girlfriend in the car, fresh off a trip from McDonald’s.

The story says the guy wouldn’t let the woman out of the car, so she whipped his drink out the window and into the street. In retailiation, the man grabbed her by the arm and smooshed a cheeseburger into her face.

The couple then exited the vehicle, and man picked up the McDonald’s sandwich and rubbed what was left of it in her face again. He now faces domestic violence charges. At least McDonald’s burgers are never hot by the time you get them. The coffee, however, is typically hot enough to win a lawsuit.

So the drink was thrown out the window and the cheeseburger was smashed up twice. Since they were not mentioned, one can assume the french fries survived the incident unscathed, ot at least eaten properly. I guess we won’t know for sure.

So what is this new found fascination with food related assault? I guess the recession hasn’t hit the food rationing stage yet and people are still willing to waste some in the heat of the moment.

Popularity: 9% [?]

Merry Freaking Christmas Dad!

Posted by Rob on Wednesday, 3 December, 2008

A man in sunny western Florida is being charged with felony assault this joyous holiday season. The report didn’t say why, but apparently this guy, upset with his father, threw a Christmas tree at him.

Before I got to the details, I kinda raised my eye at the headline “Man Accused of Tossing Christmas Tree at his Dad”. First I pictured a full-size, fresh-cut real evergreen being hurled across the room. Ok, Not likely.

Next I pictured, again a full-sized tree, but this time an artificial one. But, I just assembled our pre-lit, 3-piece artificial Christmas tree this past weekend. That thing has some poundage to it, so again, not likely.

So further reading down the page, it ended up being a tiny 3-footer used as a weapon to attack his dad. Being Florida, it was probably one of those lame white-needle foo foo trees with pink garland.

So the 37-year-old winner who still lived at home with mommy and daddy, at least before Yule-Rage set in, tosses the tree at his father. The tree missed, but then the guy tried to use the metal base to take a whack at dad.

His mom and dad were able to subdue the son by holding down his arms to prevent any real injuries. The cops said the tree could have caused some serious damage since the steel base weighs a good five pounds.

I’m thinking junior will be looking for a new residence and singing “I’m gettin’ nuthin’ fer Christmas” this year.

Normally this is where I’d plug some self-defense tools with a spin towards the story, but I am actually at a loss of Christmas tree self defense suggestions besides “DUCK!”

Popularity: 8% [?]

Frozen Chicken, Spicy Sausage and a Can of Soda

Posted by Rob on Wednesday, 29 October, 2008

A man in Jackson, Michigan couldn’t quite help himself from getting in a load of trouble last week. Unfortunately, the article did not go into too much detail, as some of the additional background must have been good.

First off her ended up stabbing his mother with a fork. Again not enough details into this portion, so we have to assume the mother is fine.

Next, while riding a stolen bike, he got into another altercation with another woman. Since the fork was no longer readily available, he resorted to using the only other thing he presently had at his disposal. A ten pound plastic bag of frozen chicken.

As much as this begs to be quite humorous, the man struck the woman on the head with the chicken. However since this was no toy rubber chicken, but a solid hunk of frozen fowl, the object opened up a large gash on the woman’s head. She required medical treatment in the amount of 5 surgical stapes to close up the wound.

He is only being charged with one count of felonious assault, while prosecutors dropped additional assault, larceny and other charges. He faces up to 4 years in prison and up to a $2,000 fine.

To continue with some odd food related shenanigans, a woman in Texas was fined $300 for attempting to smuggle some sausage from Mexico this past Friday night. I am not familiar with the exact U.S. Customs and Border Protection regulations for bringing meat across the U.S.-Mexico border, but apparently the custom inspectors decided to ruin this woman’s barbecue plans.

To make this incident interesting, the 21-year-old Southern Texan attempted to hide the chorizo (several links of spicy pork sausage) inside of baby diapers. The diapers were folded to look used, to which the woman declared several “soiled baby diapers” to the border guards.

Failing to get one over on these astute border agents, the suspicious “chunky diapers” did not cut it. The diapers and sausage were confiscated after closer inspection. Luckily for the agents, it was spicy sausage. I’m pretty sure if the diapers were truly soiled, the agents would have been quite unhappy to have to open and prod dirty diapers stored for later refuse.

Not that it would be practical to stuff with sausage, but I wonder if an actual diversion safe would make it past the customs screeners? I mean if you had a some diversion safes that looked like closed cans of soda in your car, perhaps stored in some ice in a small cooler, would the border agents make you pop the tops off a six-pack of Mountain Dew?

I wouldn’t advocate testing this for real at a customs booth, but these diversion safes are nearly indistinguishable from the real thing, and are even weighted to feel full. You aren’t going to be able to squish too much sausage in each one, but I wonder if they would take notice.

I would imagine U.S. Customs and Border Protection guys are trained to look for drugs and other contraband items, but most burglars in your house would pass right by these. Stash your valuables in plain sight in a can of soda, household cleaner container, book or flower pot. No one would even know the difference.

I’m pretty sure I would have to pass on the diaper sausage at the BBQ. We are already not supposed to drink the water down in Mexico, I’d have to imagine improperly stored raw Mexican chorizo might miss some USDA standards…

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