Posts Tagged Ohio

Product Review: Telescopic Steel Baton

Posted by Rob on Friday, 29 January, 2010

If you haven’t been formally introduced previously, let me introduce you to Mr. Telescopic Steel Baton. Baton, Reader. Reader, Baton.

A telescopic steel baton is neither a high school coach’s whistle, nor a walking stick. We are talking up to 26″ of solid steel thug-bashing pain-on-a-stick. Not to knock personal alarms which do serve their purpose, but nothing beats a solid whack to the ribs, or hobbling blow to the knee quite like a telescopic steel baton. Just ask Nancy Kerrigan.

When fully collapsed and stored, your baton will only take up about 9″, give or take depending on if you purchased the 18″, 21″ or 26″ models. The sizing corresponds to then strength and size of its wielder. A big burly trucker would probably pack a 26″er, a 5’5″ petite woman may prefer the 18″.

But don’t let the difference between the sizes sway you. Each one is going to get the job done with a quickness and cause some serious injury and trouble for any would-be attacker.

Talk about walking softly and carrying a big stick, quite the physical and psychological advantage.

No one is trying to strongarm you into buying self defense products but you have to believe in the statistics spread over the past few years, all pertaining to violence at different levels. Day by day, our environment is coming up with prominent signs of danger.

It used to be the dark damp alleys you had to worry about, now you could be victim of an assault during your leisurely stroll through the park in the middle of the afternoon, or taking your morning jog before work.

Just last week, there was a story in the news about a 26-year-old autistic woman in Toledo, Ohio that was raped on the sidewalk by a 15-year-old thug on her way to the library. This occurred in the middle of the day, with several cars just driving by. The woman was followed by the attacker, knocked to the ground, threatened with scissors, had her sweatpants pulled off, and was raped while yelling for help in broad daylight. The attacker then stole her cell phone as he fled the scene.

Eventually one woman, who had already driven past, gave the incident she just viewed a second though, and decided to call 911.

Of course the police arrived well after the assault and rape was over. It was even reported immediately after the attack, the victim attempted to borrow the cell phone of a man walking down the street to call the cops, and the man refused and kept on walking. La la la, I can’t hear or see you…

Are you serious?

I’m thinking minimum someone should have pulled over along side, laid on the horn for the duration and phoned the police right then and there. Next best, someone armed with pepper spray, a stun gun or perhaps a telescopic steel baton could have intervened and given this punk a working over. Let the cops clean up when they got there.

The juvenile delinquent was found later, and sure enough, it is reported that he suffers from mental issues. As if that wasn’t evident from his public display of aggression…

I am counting a number of people that could use a good wake up whopping to knock some sense into them.

Just a flick the Telescopic Steel Baton and it will automatically extend itself to the maximum attitude-adjusting capacity. This will engage a rather satisfying sound, as the positive locking system snaps into place. This serves a dual purpose, one to let you know your baton is ready for business, and secondly, your soon-to-be target will know he is about to be pummeled. If he had a lick of sense, he might even turn tail and vacate the area right then and there.

In addition, these trusty sidekicks have a couple of other features besides its low public profile and solid steel construction. It in encased in a comfortable foam handle for easy gripping and maneuverability, and it has an optional LED light to double as a flashlight.

Be Safe, Be Prepared, Don’t Just Stand There, Take Some Action.

Popularity: 6% [?]

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Order More Chicken McNuggets

Posted by Rob on Monday, 4 January, 2010

Note to McDonald’s Managers everywhere: Order more chicken McNuggets and stop running out of stock. Seriously, just order a few more cases to have on hand in the freezer. You know you have the room. This will prevent the growing problem of McNugget Rage from occurring at your restaurant.

The most recent account of McNugget Rage was Toledo, Ohio just this past week. According to the local police, a female customer in the drive-through became “upset that chicken nuggets weren’t available” and consequently “punched out the drive-through window,” after being told her order was not able to be filled.

The woman was treated in the hospital for injuries sustained in the fast-food altercation and the drive-through window will now have to be replaced.

She pleaded not guilty to the felony vandalism charge and was ordered not to have any contact with the restaurant. Not that she would anyways, they ran out of McNuggets! This is unacceptable!

Perhaps the McDonald’s down the road is sufficiently stocked with the delicious poultry morsels. Perhaps the chicken tenders at Burger King would be a suitable replacement. Losing loyal chicken nugget customers is bad for business.

This type of gross negligence will not be tolerated. Next week while preparing your food order, you are expected to comply with this request and increase your projected numbers for McNugget consumption and in turn, increase your McNugget order.

McNugget Rage is no joke and can easily be prevented with proper planning.

You are all lucky this woman did not call 911 to report this incident like last March in Florida. Remember, a full customer is a happy customer.

Be Safe, Be Prepared, Prevent McNugget Rage.

Popularity: 4% [?]

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Intruder Whacked in the Head with a Sauce Pan

Posted by Rob on Friday, 27 February, 2009

The 70-year-old wife of an Elyria, Ohio judge was so angry at the intruders who tried to rob her, that she whacked one of them in the head with a pot. BAM!

Four boys pushed their way into her home while Ellen Basinski was on the phone with her husband, this past Tuesday.

The husband David Basinski, a Lorain County Judge overheard the comotion and rushed home. His wife grabbed her favorite “Emeril Lagasse” 5-quart sauce pan in an attempt to defend herself against the teenagers rifling through her purse and cabinets, and ended up smacking one of them upside the head.

One of the teens threw a bottle of whiskey towards Mrs. Basinski to distract her so one of the other boys could flee. They all ran from the scene but were later apprehended and charged with aggravated burglary.

The judge said his wife was rather upset that police had to take her pan as evidence. No sauce tonight!

To kick this story up another notch, it was later reported that Chef Emeril Lagasse heard of the incident and felt so bad that the woman lost one of his trademark pans while warding off home intruders that he’s sending her a whole new set of his signature cookware.


Double BAM!

Popularity: 8% [?]

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Lost Cell Phone, Sleeping Bags and Drug Deals caught on 911

Posted by Rob on Saturday, 7 February, 2009

An 18-year-old guy from Mesa, Arizona was arrested on suspicion of breaking into a car early Tuesday morning. Nothing says guilty like leaving your cell phone behind, and then going back to the scene to ask the owner if you can get your phone back…

Apparently the Police were responding to a call from the victim, who reported that a garage door opener and money had been taken from his car. Before the police arrived, the vehicle owner noticed a man hanging out across the street from his house. The owner asked the guy what he was doing there.

So the guy admits that he broke into the car and took the garage door opener and some change. He tells the victim that he accidentally dropped his cell phone in the vehicle and wanted it back.

The owner tells the guy that he already called the police so he takes off. The Police found the guy nearby, fitting the description given by the victim.

The suspect handed over the garage door opener but told police he went to a store and spent the change he obtained from the vehicle to buy some cigarettes because he knew he was going to jail.

Good call.

Next there was a report that Police in Gainesville, Florida said a 46-year-old man armed with a screwdriver and wearing a sleeping bag as a cape tried to rob someone in a parking lot.

Apparently a man approached the intended victim early last Sunday morning and asked for money.

When the victim refused, the caped man threw off the sleeping bag and pulled the screwdriver from his pants. The victim quickly ran into a nearby store and called 911.

The suspect was arrested a few blocks away and charged with attempted armed robbery. Luckily the victim wasn’t injured or screwed out of any money…

The last winner in the news today goes to that guy in Cleveland who called 911 because he felt he was in danger. Police report the guy called 911 late Saturday night and reported that two men with guns were watching him.

The guy hangs up, mid-conversation, so the concerned dispatcher called back.

The guy answered, but asked the dispatcher to hold on a second. The dispatcher, who could still hear what was going on, listened in to the drug deal the guy was now making.

Voices can be heard on the 911 recording saying:

“What you need? A 10-pack? You need a 10-pack? All right.”

Police say “10-pack” is slang for a bundle of heroin.

The dispatcher called police, who found the guy at the location he originally gave and found cocaine in his pocket.

Not the brightest guy in Ohio. But then again, none of these guys are…

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